... in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always ..
Were there anyone talking like Humbert?
Do you understand what he's saying?
When I was around 11, I was extremely curious about the human body, especially the genitals, as I did not have the other one.
I was so curious. What is it like to have the other genital? What is it like to [be a woman].
Humbert the Humble had lost his first love at the age of 13; that's his version of love, and it has stopped. He never grew up in a way of; how to love, how to connect to other people, how to understand others, how to get understood.
I am thinking of aurochs and angels, the secret of durable pigments, prophetic sonnets, the refuge of art. And this is the only immortality you and I may share.
And the society still doesn't understand him and this world. The author is using English as a tool to show off his "sophisticated writing". I read this book at the age of 16. I didn't understand many meanings behind the plain words. Because, with my limited experience, I did not understand many aspects but only a few.
Rope-skipping, hopscotch. That old woman in black who sat down next to me on my bench, on my rack of joy (a nymphet was groping under me for a lost marble), and assked if I had stomachache, the insolent hag. Ah, leave me alone in my pubescent park, in my mossy garden. Let them play around me forever. Never grow up
Humbert the Fierce said, "Never grow up". Do you think he was talking about nymphets? Or was he talking about "that old woman in black"?
By metaphors, unclear meanings, abbreviations, and "sophisticated-looking" words, the true meanings get hidden behind the plain words.
My family was sincere Christians, and because of that, I read christian bible a lot growing up. I really enjoyed reading The New Testament. I was fascinated by how loving and forgiving Jesus is. He was not perfect, he was [ ] before we knew he was a carpenter. Does it matter?
The version of him, the one we remember, the one we share, the one we act based upon, is important. In my memory, he was fierce against injustice and humble towards the lowest. He acted based on his heart, not by the old testament. At the time, the lowest were children, women, and sick people. That was more than two thousand years ago.
Since then, the whole world had gotten much bigger, in culture wise as "they" had discovered more cultures to "conquer", and very complicated, in science wise as "we" are learning something new everyday. Even though we live a long time now, we still specialize ourselves into just one purpose. Childrens recite this every day. "I will become [ ]". And it soon becomes "I shouldn't set my goal too high because if I can't achieve, I'm [ ]".
And the same children are expected to follow everything while learning everything. However, not everyone can afford such things. To survive in a hostile capitalism world, it's nearly impossible to follow all his sayings. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we need to accomplish completely each level from below, before stepping up to the upper levels. In this world, it's impossible not to harm others emotionally by just having the basic life needs- air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, and more. When I'm having all these, someone is struggling to find one for the night, and for tomorrow, and what about next year?
And the same children are expected to follow the old, obsolete rules that were from a different geopolitical location.
Pork is bad, why? Who made the rule? When did they make that rule**? Why did they make those old habits*?
*Pork is the most efficient meat that is produced from mammals. and Chicken is the most efficient and affordable meat, in the US, and in certain countries.- https://awellfedworld.org/wp-content/uploads/FCR-ButcherSheet.pdf,
Beef contributes a significant portion to climate change.- https://www.ars.usda.gov/research/publications/publication/?seqNo115=402563#:~:text=Of%20this%20total%2C%20about%2080,reduce%20emissions%20in%20cattle%20production.
**I believe it's because religions worked as a guide "how to live properly" at the time. Even just a hundred years ago, everything made sense. Not anymore. Unless someone triggers buttons, to reset our history, again.
Our education towards our future, our children, has never been updated. I would say it's "manipulated". Except for some advanced countries, most of the education systems in the world follow either the United States/Europe studies or Japanese studies, not from your history, not from your predecessors, but something called "sophisticated".
We need something that fits universally for everyone.
This thread to untangle, the topic, is for another article.
Hopeless, is what I think is the word to describe how most of the population in the world would feel.
When I was young, I didn't understand the true meanings behind of the Talmud stories that I have read. All the stories are about emotional education between people, and how to act to lead others. By just reading and think about the meanings, readers obtain a congligated knowledge from one of the oldest history.
Those information, chaos in someone's mind, will be organized by the society and be set to live in the society. The cuncurrent major society is capitalism. And capistalism is about competition, even towards your friends, families, and neighbors.
Way too early in my life, I realized that there are not so many people who can see the causes. And I have been sharing what I had seen, saw, and was seeing. Got ignored, all the time, because I'm [ YOUR ASSUMPTIONS HERE ].
I have abandoned my family, because I was shameful about myself, being a transgender, who abandoned all his/her/their expectaions from the parents who raised and dealt with this little evil monster.
I have used my sister, mother, and sometimes even father to avoid certain situations, "I hate this emotional burden, I will just let it slide when they are emotional", that was 15 years ago. They wanted to get connected with me, and I ignored their efforts and honesty through tears.
I have used my situational positions to avoid the guilty feelings, "I did everything- a big lie, by myself.", "Everyone can do this.- a bigger lie, or a delusion", "I tried everything- the biggest lie, I can do better, but I don't have time- another lie". I cried a lot when I realized, and yet, I'm still doing the same thing over and over.
I closed my eyes, ears, and sometimes even my nose, to have numb feelings to focus on my OWN THINGS. Not for everyone, not for people, but only for myself and inside the boundary.
People listens to money, and I wanted to have a lot of money, to not see people suffering anymore. To prove I'm better. But in the modern capitalism world, you just simply can't. Everything will be inherited, not just assets, but also DNA, when you are rich and evil enough, without tax, the tax that goes to the people who are in needs, and because I/you want more to keep things for myself/yourself, the people in needs will always stay "Stupid" or I would say,
"Herd, to be consumed later, but soon"
And they want us to stay that way.